Oh My God.

It's strange.

When I lived in Ohio, I remember thinking, "I can't imagine leaving this place." Not that I didn't want to ever leave or thought that I would stay there forever... but I just couldn't picture what my life would look like without my family close by, without the friends I'd had for years, and without Damascus Friends Church. It was a strange feeling knowing that I wouldn't be there forever but being unable to fathom a life absent of those very, very good and wonderful things.

And being in essentially the same position now feels stranger still. In another few weeks it will be a year since I first moved to Kauai... and I can't imagine leaving this place. I had planned to live here no longer than a year and to remain unattached, but it's been impossible not to become attached. To my incredible friends, to North Shore Christian Church, to the mountains and the ocean. I have a very full life here, and when I think about leaving, I get stuck. Mentally blocked. I can't picture leaving and saying goodbye to this life. What would come next? International travel? U.S. road trip? Mission work? Hibernation for book-writing purposes? A family, at some point? Spiritual retreat? Grad school? All of the above?

Boy, it's confusing. Lately I've felt pressed to be thinking about the next step, mostly because I feel like I'm not living a life full of Christian service and sacrifice. It's not that I'm trapped in a guilt trip or anything... this is something more complex and internal. Something to do with higher goals and purpose and the meaning of life and all that. Something to do with eternity. Something to do with Jesus.

Please, listen to this song: "Oh My God" by Jars of Clay. If there will ever be a song that radically changes my life, it will be this one. Perhaps it's already begun to. Every time I listen to it, by the end my heart is pounding and I can barely breathe. Seriously, I mean EVERY time. It hasn't lost its power even with years of repeated listenings. Here's a video with the song, but I would recommend listening to it without watching the video. Shut your eyes, don't move a muscle, and absorb the lyrics. The last few minutes of the song are... wow. Even if you're not a Christian, I'm willing to bet that you can sympathize with the depiction of a broken world crying out for answers.

Somehow, whether in Kauai or Ohio or some third world country, I need to more effectively engage this broken world.

If you can't watch the video, here's the YouTube url:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqeyisb688